About That Pact…
Yesterday, I made my third trip to Orlando in the past 8 days. It’s roughly 240 miles round-trip.
I brought my camera on the first two trips. On the second, I took the following photos as the sun rose near Ocala (I was a passenger on the first two, the driver on the third):
On the third trip, I didn’t take my camera. I can’t tell you why - it was the only time I was going by myself, and there was a good chance there’d be some down-time when I could occupy myself with either the Nintendo DS or the book I was reading, both of which were already in my camera bag (with my camera, obviously). But as I set out that morning, I looked at the bag once and set out without it (sorry, fellow Pact members - this makes only the second time I’ve not taken it with me in a long, long time).
As I approached Gainesville (10 miles from my exit, in fact), a semi lost control in front of me. One moment it was in its lane - the next it was perpendicular to the lane - then it was airborne - then it was on its side, sliding away from me. I managed to stop just a few feet away from its spinning front tires.
To be honest, I was paralyzed with fear. Other cars coming up from behind me quickly filled in to my left; a few attempted to go into the ditch around the front of the truck to get by on my right.
Had I had my camera, I would have been in the perfect position to take the front page photo for the local newspaper. But I don’t think I would have. At that moment, I didn’t know if the driver was dead or not. I didn’t know if anyone else was injured (for the record, no one died).
I’ve been in other situations where I had my camera with me and an opportunity presented itself, but I felt like I would be robbing someone of his or her dignity if I took it. Just a few days ago, a homeless man was napping on the bench I’d wanted to use for a shot. He was bathed in a single shaft of light, and his bicycle was propped perfectly next to the bench. But I discarded the thought almost immediately. Even when I travel, I can’t bring myself to take photos of strangers just to highlight their poverty or their difference.
But I don’t know if I would have taken this photo or not, and that bothers me. Would having my camera in the seat next to me have changed my priorities? I use the camera to detach from the world; I can honestly see myself using it that day to manage my fear. But if I’d been thinking about the possibilities of having the photo published, wouldn’t that make me an awfully selfish, cold person? Or just a sensible one?
In the end, I’m glad I broke the Pact that day. I don’t necessarily want to know what kind of person I am.